My favorite gift; the gift of family “about me” and the laughter.
It is also true that how happy you are, can be how sad you become when it draws to an end. I realized tonight that I raised some stubborn kids who refuse to “say goodbye” now or in the future. As a parent I learned you cannot prepare them for your “next journey” you can only wish you could. My three children are busy, successful and full of love but when it comes to “mom and dad” they just want to remain our kids. I cannot tell you how long its been since only the 5 of us sat in this house and shared. We are usually joined by grandchildren, friends, or we are one short.
As exhilarating as it was this weekend, it touched a major nerve for the girls who had to remind me that, each visit has it’s “threat level”. That this might be the last time we’re together, or the next time, etc. I can only add this to their fear that I don’t “get it” about our time together ending. I do “get it” and I am sorry I have to “put you through this.” But eventually, I must leave and go on to “what’s next.” Yes I will miss you, yes I would love to be with you always and see all that lies ahead for you.
Strange woman that I am, I take it on faith that it is going to be “okay” and that you will know in your heart that leaving you is the hardest thing I will ever do…………..however, remember, being able to do it “my way” will be the most important experience of control I have ever been allowed to have in this long and “dysfunctional” life. It is my way of leaving with dignity, peace, love and honor. Just this once, have faith that I do know how you feel, but I also know, that the memories made when I go, should be shared between the three of you and should help you stay strong.
As that trio of mischief makers I have raised, I have been so very proud of you always. I cannot stay, I cannot take you with me, but I can love you “to the moon and back” and I can always know that “once, I was loved by you.” Mom.